So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize