I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
