Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
