dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
