I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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