College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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