College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This baby is an asshole
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
