It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize