Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
