It's Friday. Sex?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize