whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
