She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
