My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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