i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
