I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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