my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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