tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
