Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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