I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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