this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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