I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
