My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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