I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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