I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Holy shit dude........stairs
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
