I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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