I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize