Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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