SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
