I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There's even glitter on my cock...
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