But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
