I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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