Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
