Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
