I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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