Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
