if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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