I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
