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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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