foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
