Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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