so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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