How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
