My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You left your phone here
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