you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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