y did u give ur computer a hand job?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
