It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
