Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
