Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How does it feel to date your dad?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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