There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think my moral compass just broke
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
