If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
