I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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