youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
