I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
