I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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