I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
