I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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