Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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