I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
