I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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