A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize