I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
