do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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