How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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