HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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