she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just found puke in my bra..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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