dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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