I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
