Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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