dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
