I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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