I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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