I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
