i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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