areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
