My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
