After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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