I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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