Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
