Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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