So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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