How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
