I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
