I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
