if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
