I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
