We need to rekindle our bromance
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
