honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
