vagina is talking i cant
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
