So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
