I just threw up on my dentist
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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