Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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