My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
