im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
