chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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