if i can run in heels then i can drive
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Sober January is a disaster.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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