apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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