i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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