My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
