Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
