Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
