why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
